I had a fascinating conversation tonight with a woman I grew up with. She’s my best friend’s mother and is in a troubled and very unhappy place in her life. We went out to celebrate the end of my friend’s exams and had a few drinks at some great local pubs. When we got to the last location my friend’s mother let loose all of the woes that have been troubling her for some time. The obvious difficult situations that she has been dealing with for the last long while. This is where the story unfolds.
We are not our past. No matter how much we think about our past, no matter how much power we give our past, we are not our past. Our lives are constant journeys that do not end until the day we pass on to the other world or become the leaves and trees. Every day we choose to wake up, get up, and live that day, we have the power to choose how we perceive that day. I’d like to say that we have the power to choose whatever we want to see happen in that day but we just have to admit that there are forces greater than ourselves and that no matter what – or how hard we try – we may not be in control of everything that happens in a day. Aside from that, we are definitely in full control of how we perceive and how we respond to everything that happens in our day.
My friend’s mother was so upset about her husband and the situation she is now in – having moved halfway across almighty Canada to a condo on the waterfront of Victoria. This may be a condo with a wonderful view and a great place to retire but it was not where she wanted to be and it was not anywhere near her children or the larger percentage of her family. She came to a point where she admitted that she had be the submissive one all her life and that he (her husband) had moved them so many time its sickened her and that they had not committed to anything that she wanted to do. Now, you may know many people in this situation – you may even be there yourself. Here’s where it gets hairy. She admitted that she was in fact the submissive one and that it was just her “personality” to be the one who gives in – that its just in her nature. Now to this, I say bullshit.
The conversation got lengthy at this point because she was not ready to hear some of the points I was making – which I would like to clearly articulate in this post. There is a reason why I titled this post “we are not our past” – even though it may be taking me a while to get there 🙂
Here were the main points I tried to articulate to her.
1. You have chosen to be the submissive one. YOU have chosen to not speak your point of view and you have chosen not to set YOUR boundaries. You cannot blame the other person – your partner or otherwise – for having dragged you here and there or made most of the heavy weighted decisions if you have not even TRIED to stand up for yourself.
2. Just because you have been the submissive one in the past does NOT mean it is written in your DNA and that you are forever plagued with the submissive personality. Again to this I say bullshit. Every day – EVERY DAY – is a new day and a new chance for you to make NEW decisions. New decisions that can put you outside of your comfort zone and bring you new results. You just have to be ready to jump into it and trust that you are taken care of no matter what. You are in this moment for a reason and now its time to follow your instincts, follow your heart, and put yourself out there a bit with confidence and ease.
3. There is a reason why you are so unhappy with where you are in your situation and you have honour this fact in order to move forward. Your soul has a purpose – there is no denying this. If you do not feel fulfilled in your life it is most often because you have taken an alternative path on your soul’s journey and have been distracted by the scenery. It’s time to get you back on course and back to feeling fulfilled and HAPPY! We end up in every situation we are faced with because it has a lesson to teach us or is important to our soul’s journey. No matter what the situation, if you look back on it and truly contemplate what happened, there will be a lesson in it for you to learn – and for you to grow from. If you have found yourself in an uncomfortable place, in an unhappy circumstance, or in need of more life – make that moment count and act on what you are being faced with. Where do you need to grow? What is this situation teaching you? How can you use this information to move forward and make life better for yourself?
Indeed I am getting lengthy about this topic but I hope that I have opened the floor to some intriguing contemplation. We are definitely not out past and our past does not make our future. The present moment makes our future and when we live for the moment we cannot help but be in full control of our lives. Live in the moment, follow your heart, and shine your inner light brighter knowing that you are worth the greatest happiness on earth – all you have to do is claim it.
Lots of love to you all!